September 4, 2008-The Wait Continues!

Well it is another morning, and I didn't get any calls in the middle of the night! I had been walking around for days with my cell phone attached to me. I took it in the bathroom while I showered. I slept with it right by my ear in case I got "the call" in the middle of the night. I had the volume set as loud as it could go. And I never left my phone....it came with me EVERYWHERE! Kathleen called me during the day and asked how K. and I were doing. K. had been surprisingly strong. She wasn't moping around or crying or really anything. She seemed as her happy old self. And I let her stay that way. She knew that if she wanted to talk about her dad that she could come to me. I would even ask her if she wanted to talk, and she said no....and i wasn't going to push it. Everything with her seemed normal, and I saw no reason to upset her with forcing talk about dad.

Later that night, somewhere between 7 & 8pm, Kathleen called back and told me that the time is coming near. Charlies breathing had changed where he isn't taking as many breaths, and he had stopped urinating. Apparently, these are 2 signs that the end is very, very near. I remember the time because I was outside telling my next door neighbor Heather what was going on....she was the first to know that it was happening soon, because of the timing and my location at the time I received this news. Now I have to go tell K. I went inside and found K. I told her about daddy's changes and it was going to happen soon. I asked her once again, if she wanted to go see him. She said no!!! I tossed around the idea of myself going back to see him...one last time....but after some thought, decided I was ok with the goodbye I gave him on Tuesday night. I asked K. again, if it happens in the middle of the night, does she want to know before school or after? She told me she didn't want to know. She wanted to go to school on Friday so that was it.

I really can't explain to you all how much I admire my daughters ability to deal with death and make her own decisions about how she wants to handle it. Since I hadn't dealt with death of a close relative either, it was kind of a learn as you go experience for both of us. I am happy with the way I handled things during this horrible time. I think that by asking K. questions, and not pushing her, helped both of us deal with it better.