Around 8pm on September 2nd, I got a call from Charlies sister Elaine telling me that he had been moved to a room and that I could bring K. up to see him. I immediately called my brother and sister-in-law who were on "standby" to come meet me at the hospital. I told K. that we had to go. She really didn't want to. Rarely do I force my daughter to do something she doesn't want to because I hated that when I was growing up....but there are some things in life when it is necessary that I do so. I explained to her that this would be the last time we see daddy alive, the last time she can hug & kiss him and talk to him. She accepted my reasoning. (K. is a very bright girl who is mature beyond her years....and I am so thankful for that). We headed to the hospital. My brother and his wife did the same. Their ride was a little bit longer than ours, but we planned to meet in the lobby. Keep in mind that not only do I have to say goodbye to the man I was married to, and tend to a young girl who has to say goodbye to her dad, BUT his family is there, who I haven't seen since May 2007 when I filed for divorce, who are still (as far as I know) pissed at me for leaving him. It was truly an overwhelming situation! K. and I enter the lobby to wait for my brother and sister-in-law and who should be waiting for us...or I should say waiting for K., was Elaine. She immediately ran up to K. and hugged her (and barely said hello to me) and started to head for the elevator to go up to Charlie's room. I explained that I wanted to wait for my brother, but she didn't want to hear that....and continued walking with K. I was not going to let my daughter go without me, so I headed up too. Talk about the most uncomfortable elevator ride ever..... Thank God it was only 1 floor! Somewhere in that short period of time, I texted my brother to tell him to come directly to the room. We got off the elevator with Elaine still holding K.'s hand and practically dragging her. We rounded the corner and there are some of his family members. At that time, the people who were there were his mom, his other sister Glor and her husband Jim, Glor's two grown daughters and their priest from church. There may have been some other members of the family there...I am unsure. Elaine takes K. into Charlies room, leaving me behind. It was so uncomfortable for me and all I wanted was for me to take K. in to see him...but it was too late, K. was already in. She was screaming and crying "Daddy, I love you...Don't ever forget that...OK?" I followed in right after and saw him there. He was breathing heavy (for the benefit of K. they had removed his breathing mask). I went right up to him and started to caress his head. I told him I loved him and that it was ok to go now. It was amazing to me that all the anger I had toward him, disappeared at that moment and all I could feel was the love I had for him. During this, his family is still in the room, but someone suggested that I get some time alone with Charlie.....and by alone, that means the priest still stayed. Everyone but the priest left the room. I don't like Charlies priest, never really did. I think he is cold and a crook who swindles money out of his (mostly older)parishioners for his beach house in FL. I stood there and spoke with the priest who was still as cold as ever. Since K. had left the room, and Charlie had very labored breathing, I suggested that we put his breathing mask back on to which the priest states "six of one, half dozen of another...it really doesn't matter." What an ASS! Then he goes on to tell me that he knew Charlie was drinking...he caught him coming out of the liquor store. When the priest confronted Charlie, he said he was in buying a soda. He also told me that when he spoke with Charlie before his surgery (I am unsure whether this was in person or by phone), Charlie told him "I don't want to die." The priest is telling me this and now telling me "Oh well, look what has happened." I left with the priest, a card K. had made for Charlie, and two pictures of her & her dad. After a while, I went into "The Family Room" a kind of den looking room with couches and a coffee table, a fish tank and maybe even a TV. I met with Kathleen, a psychologist on the hospital staff who helps people dealing with death. She had already met with K., given her a childrens book about death, and a big peacock feather and a shell both of which were decorations for the room, but she allowed K. to take them. Kathleen spoke to me about what to expect in Charlies impending death. She told me, he could die in a few hours or a few days. She explained the process to me. She asked me if I wanted to be contacted when he passes and of course I said yes. She told me that Elaine was upset that I was going to be asked if I wanted to be contacted, because apparently Elaine didn't think I deserved that right. Kathleen told Elaine, that I am still legally his wife and mother to his daughter. If Charlie should pass when no one is around, then I was to be the second one contacted, right after his mother. This pissed Elaine off even more as she was not on the list!
After I spoke with Kathleen, I went into the hallway, where his family, most of whom I hadn't spoke with in more than a year, were standing. My brother and sister-in-law were there by that time too (Thank God). Jim, Glor's husband, pulled me aside. Jim is a good guy. He was a catholic priest for 20+ years, until he met Glor, a teacher at the Catholic School he administered to. He left the priesthood and got married. Jim hugged me and apologized from him and Glor for not speaking to me for the past almost year and a half. He said "The liver doesn't lie, and I can't even imagine what you went through." FINALLY, someone was seeing that I was not the bad guy in this situation, but just trying to do the right thing for my daughter and myself. It wasn't for a lack of love I left Charlie, but the path that he put all of our lives on. It wasn't pretty! Glor also hugged and spoke to me as did her two daughters. Elaine still was pissed at me. Charlies mom and I always had a decent relationship. Mostly because when I moved up to NJ from GA (she lives in NJ too, about 30 minutes away from me), Charlie was still in GA. She remained friendly with me because she thought she would never see K. if she didn't. I would NEVER do that. K. loves her Nana. Nana doesn't drive anymore, so it was entirely on me to get K. over to see her. I made every effort to. K. and I would go over and get her to go out to dinner, when K. had a soccer game, I would drive over to her home, get her and bring her back to my town so she could watch K. play. I made sure K. called and kept a relationship with her Nana. So, as long as other family members (from Charlies side) were not around, my mother-in-law and I had a decent relationship.
Before leaving the hospital that night, Katie and I both went into Charlies room and said one final goodbye..............
We had to get home, school was starting the next day!
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