Let's Talk About Sex!

Today I am feeling a little anxious, and I think I know the reason why! One year ago tomorrow was the last time I saw this guy I was dating.....and the last time I had sex! This guy, I'll call him "Danny" because his name IS Danny. Danny was a former boyfriend of mine, a guy I dated when I was 23-24 years old. He is also a mortician, and the reason I remember the date is because it was the night before my mom's memorial service and her cremains were going to be buried and at the last minute, I decided I wanted to keep some, so he came over with his little urns, and got me some.

The way Danny and I reconnected was he ran into a friend of mine, and asked about me. He gave this friend his phone number and asked for him to pass it along to me. Of course, I didn't get it until about a month after the friend ran into him, but in any case, when I did get it, I called Danny and we made a lunch date. I hadn't seen him in more than 20 years. We went to lunch, chit chatted about old times, and we may have even gone out for lunch a second time.....I really don't remember. Then I never heard from him again. No biggie. This all occured around March 2008.

Fast forward to November 2008, I am with the same friend that Danny had run into months before. I had just come out of the movie theather with K. and two of her friends and we decided to go to Starbucks. While standing there talking with the guy, in walks Danny best friend. I had never met him, but had heard of him. The guy I was with introduced us. I said, "Oh, you are Danny's friend", and this guy replies "yes, you should call him, he talks about you all the time." (I had changed my cell phone number and didn't send Danny the new number because I never heard from him anyway). So I sent Danny a text that night and he called me the next day. We made plans for lunch again.....and that was the beginning.....

Danny kept asking me to lunch, and I kept going. He was married, but claimed that his marriage had been over for more than 4 years and they had been living separate lives for that long if not longer. (The girl he is married to, he dated for a short time, she got pregnant, they had a child who is now 19, both dated other people after the kid was born, got married when the child was 9, in the year 2000, when Y2K was going to end the world....that is the story I got). At lunch, he would complain how miserable his life was....I really felt bad for him. He was asking me to lunch so much that I actually turned him down for a couple of them because I started to get uncomfortable....our lunches had become increasingly longer.....

Late January 2009, I am going out for the night. I never really go out, but this was an event that a lot of people from my high school would go to. At one of our lunches, I mentioned this to Danny. He said, he was going to come. I was nervous and excited because I hadn't gone out with him at night....ever. He did show up and we talked for a while, then he had to leave. I walked outside with him and we ended up making out.....really making out! That was the beginning of the relationship I shouldn't have been in.......

The lunch dates picked up to at least 4 times a week, always ending with us making out.....Sex soon followed (yes, I was having sex with him the first time I dated him too). And instead of going out to lunch, a lot of the time we were coming to my house. Then he started coming over at night too.....something I didn't want because I live with my dad, BUT he kind of broke down any rules I tried to instill...and my dad goes to bed at 9, so he would be here at 9:05. In my marriage, my sex life was BORING, then non-existant. I think the marriage was over long before I left. It wasn't that I didn't love Charlie, I just wasn't "in love" with him. Actually, I knew before I married him that I was bored with the sex, but accepted that. In any case, Danny was definitely not boring. During this whole time, Danny would stare me straight in the eyes and tell me how he was "in love" with me. At first, he had a 10 year plan for us.....then it was that he was "in love" with me but wished he could get his heart and his head in the same place. Then, towards the end of us, it was he has so much to lose financially if he left his marriage. I see NOW where it was going....but at that time, I was just hanging on to hope. I didn't think anyone would ever be interested in me....I had really let myself go....I looked like crap because I was massively overweight and depressed, so I just didn't care. So I saw him on June 10th, after that night, I talked to him every night on the phone for probably 1/2 hour or more.....then one day, I just didn't hear from him....I didn't hear from him for 8 days in a row....he never went that long without calling. While down at the shore, visiting a friend for the weekend, he called and said he had the worse week of his life and it had nothing to do with me and he loved me. He wanted to make plans for that Sunday or Monday night to go out. I accepted his apology and looked forward to finding out what was bothering him. He even called me twice that night.....come the next night, Sunday, no call.....no call on Monday either. I texted him about my frustration and hurt. Then his best friend calls me....he explains that Danny is going to call me soon to explain things, but I need to stop texting.....ARE YOU FRICKIN KIDDING ME???? He had his friend call me??!! (BTW, Danny is the same age as me). I couldn't believe it.....I called Danny's phone and left him a message that thanked him for having his friend call me, but we are not in Jr. high school and to grow some balls and call me himself.....or NEVER call again.....He called me 15 minutes later. He said he couldn't do what he was doing anymore....He gave me some bullshit reason, and said we would go out for a beer soon and he would explain everything. Later on, I found out he had moved back in with his wife. (He had moved out and was living at his parents house during the middle of our relationship....he hated every minute of that).

There is good and bad in this story. The bad being, 1. I allowed myself to get involved with someone who was married, which is totally against my morals. 2. I wonder if I was just a "booty call" though I really don't think so. 3. And I was totally crushed and devastated which was the very last thing I needed amidst my already depressing life. The Good is: I know I can fall in love again....and it is great!! I enjoy sex...alot. And most importantly, for me to have a backbone and not let any guy walk all over me or call all the shots like he did! I am a stronger person today because of it!

Authors Note: We did NOT have sex every time we saw each other....but alot!!!