Mother's Day!!!

Happy Mother's Day!!!

Today has been a mother's day I would just like to forget. I seem to have been in tears a lot of today. This morning went well. As soon as my daughter got up she came and found me and wished me a happy mother's day. I went downtown to Coldwater Creek to use the coupon I got from Groupon the day before....pay $25 and get a $50 coupon. Going to Coldwater Creek was probably the start of the downward spiral. I was in there for close to 2 hours trying on clothes and just hated the way everything looked on me.....I ended up buying a purse which I told K. could be from her for mother's day, not that she cared one way or the other.

I decided to go for my walk because walking ALWAYS makes me feeling better mentally. I walk in a cemetery around the corner from my house. It is not the cemetery that Charlie is buried in, but it is big, beautiful, quiet and has a lot of hills. I start in the old section (people who died a long time ago) so it was just like any other day walking there. I did my whole loop, then came up the the new section (more recent deaths), and it was packed. All of a sudden I started crying, right there in the middle of my walk. I was crying for Charlie, who would have made sure that K. had at least a card for me, I cried for my mom who I miss very much, I cried for my mother-in-law, who died suddenly from a fall but was in otherwise perfect health, and no doubt if she were still alive, K. and I would have gone to see her, and I cried for a 32 year old teacher at the school I work at, who 2 weeks before, died of colon cancer, leaving behind a 2 year old daughter and husband. I did not know this teacher as she was diagnosed in December and I started my job in January, but I did see her when she came to visit once with her daughter.....the school community all pulled together to raise lots of funds for her family.....in any case, I cried for her too, she only got 2 mother's day. I actually found a cut thru point so I got out of the cemetery and went out to the main road to finish my walk. I was feeling awful for all those people there who were visiting their loved ones.

So basically today, on mother's day, what is supposed to be great for mom's....I have been in tears......because of what I have lost!!!!