September 2, 2008~Telling K. Her Dad is Going to Die!

One of the hardest things I have ever had to do in my life, is tell my daughter that her dad is going to die.

It was a beautiful sunny early September day and K. is all excited to start 4th grade. She got the teacher she really wanted, had her two best friends in the same class with her, had all her new school supplies and new clothes ready to go.....She was psyched!!! She knew her dad was sick and in the hospital. She knew she hadn't talked to him in a week, but she didn't know that he couldn't be fixed!

I brought K. down into the kitchen and asked her to sit down. I held her little hands and said (something like this) "Honey, you know that daddy is very sick, and he has been in the hospital, and we haven't been able to talk to him" she responded that she knew that, I said "well, this time the doctors can't help him, he is too sick and he is going to die." Her little heart broke right then and there....she started screaming "Why God? Why Jesus? Why do you have to take my dad?" I explained that he is going to be in a room where we can go see him, but he is still in a coma. I told her that he will know we are there, but he won't be able to talk to us. I told her that Aunt Elaine is going to call when Daddy is put in his room and then we could go visit him. She really didn't want to do that. She asked if she could go to her room....and I told her to just holler if she needed me. The rest of the day she spent crying and watching TV.

Now I have to inform K.'s school about our situation. This is only her 2nd year at this school. I drove up to the school because 1. I didn't want to talk on the phone in front of K. 2. I knew the secretaries and teachers would be there as school was starting the next morning. I walked in and spoke to Lucy the secretary and told her what was going on. She was shocked and very sympathetic and promised to get K. in immediately with the school counselor. K's teacher was not in at that time (I had never even met her) but she did call me at home a little while later. I told them all what was going on and if K. isn't in school for the first day and I forget to call, you will know what happened.

I had no idea what to expect when Charlie was taken off life support. I just assumed that he would die shortly after......

September 2, 2008~The Decision to Remove Life Support

On Tuesday, September 2nd, Charlies Mom & sisters made the heart wrenching decision to remove him from life support. He had been in a coma for 6 days, he wasn't responding to anything or anyone, his liver was nearly dead and he needed a transplant, he would never walk again...there was no hope. I know Charlie and he would never want to live that way.

His sister Elaine, the one who still to this day blames me for leaving him, called me mid morning on Tuesday to tell me the news. It was horrible. I remember saying "Is he going to die?" Even though, I had spent the whole day on Monday crying because I thought he was going to die, now it was inevitable.

Elaine told me that they are removing life support and he will be moved to palliative care, a unit that houses patients that are going to die. She asked me if I would bring K. up once he is in his room in palliative care. The staff did not want a 9 year old girl to come see her dad with all the machines still hooked up. Elaine said she would call me back once he is moved in......

Now, I have to figure out a way to tell our daughter that her dad is going to die......and to top it off, her first day of 4th grade is the next day!