On Tuesday, September 2nd, Charlies Mom & sisters made the heart wrenching decision to remove him from life support. He had been in a coma for 6 days, he wasn't responding to anything or anyone, his liver was nearly dead and he needed a transplant, he would never walk again...there was no hope. I know Charlie and he would never want to live that way.
His sister Elaine, the one who still to this day blames me for leaving him, called me mid morning on Tuesday to tell me the news. It was horrible. I remember saying "Is he going to die?" Even though, I had spent the whole day on Monday crying because I thought he was going to die, now it was inevitable.
Elaine told me that they are removing life support and he will be moved to palliative care, a unit that houses patients that are going to die. She asked me if I would bring K. up once he is in his room in palliative care. The staff did not want a 9 year old girl to come see her dad with all the machines still hooked up. Elaine said she would call me back once he is moved in......
Now, I have to figure out a way to tell our daughter that her dad is going to die......and to top it off, her first day of 4th grade is the next day!
Showing posts with label cirrohosis. Show all posts
Showing posts with label cirrohosis. Show all posts
Saturday, May 22, 2010
August 27-September 1, 2008~Charlie in a Coma
August 27th was the day that Charlies spine was operated on. Through CT scans or MRI's or some kind of x-raying device, the doctors thought that they had found a mass on his spine. When they went in to do the surgery, what they found was that his spine had collapsed. He had had a staph infection in July of 2007, and apparently the infection was still in him and had eaten away at his spine. The doctors did the best they could and put metal rods in his spine, but chances were slim that he was going to ever walk again. I hadn't even known that he had gone through surgery. I had called during the day to check up on him, but got his voicemail. When he didn't call K. that night (he NEVER missed a call to her), I called and texted him....and got no response. It wasn't until the next day, I caught his mom at home and she told me he had surgery and was in a coma (my understanding was it was a medically induced coma). I think his mom was in a little bit of denial because she didn't make it seem all that serious. She told me that even though he was in a coma, they pinched his foot (or feet) and he responded.
Friday, August 29th, 2 days after the surgery, the doctors met with my mother-in-law to explain to her that he most likely won't walk again. This pained me greatly. Charlies mom was 81 and she was going to get stuck taking care of him. I still wasn't divorced from him and even thought about going back, but it would be only to take care of him. I thought about how hard that would be for me taking care of a child and a paraplegic. I thought about our wedding vows, "In sickness and in health", I felt like I was bailing on him. But I wasn't bailing on him because he was sick, I had left before he got sick. I was trying to put everything in perspective....I was stuck!
On Saturday, August 30th, the doctors called Charlies mom in again. This time, she took a cousin with her, so that there were 2 sets of ears listening. (She was in a bit of denial, and either not hearing the bad about his condition, or not relaying it). The cousin, Tom, took accurate notes on everything that was discussed. After the meeting, Tom went home and typed it up and e-mailed it to Charlies 2 sisters, and many cousins, nieces and nephews. It must have read really bad to all of them, because the 2 sisters, Elaine who lives in GA, and Glor and her husband Jim, who live in AL, started the drive to NJ. I was not let in on this information because when I filed for divorce, he told his family some things which they held against me. (Not all of his family members, but some of them). The biggest thing being that he was not drinking and that he made a lot of money and I spent it all. I don't know how they could believe that when we were always "borrowing" money from both his family and mine and still had our house foreclosed on....but whatever! But the truth did come out, because while the doctors were operating on his spine, they found that he had end stage cirrhosis and that he needed a liver transplant. Since he did not have a living will authorizing anyone to make decisions for him, he was the only one who could sign for it and he was in a coma. I would talk to my mother in law and get little pieces of information, but not a lot. The hospital staff strongly suggested that K. NOT come to the hospital because Charlie was hooked up to all types on machines and ventilators.
On Sunday,August 31st, Charlies friend Will, who I work for (at home) and who is best friends with Charlies cousin, emailed me the report that Tom had typed up for the family. As soon as I got it, I was on WebMD looking up information on everything on there.....After I did my research, I knew he was going to die. It was just my gut feeling.
Monday, September 1, I cried all day. I just couldn't stop. I certainly couldn't tell K. why I was crying because I am not a doctor, I didn't know for sure...but I knew. I may have talked to my parents about it, but I am not sure. I was beside myself. I remember feeling really angry at him. I was feeling that he cheated his daughter and cheated me. I was pissed that he drank. He was 4 when his dad died and knew what it was like not to have a dad around and he did the same thing(his dad was also an alcoholic, but he died of a heart attack because he didn't take care of his blood pressure). I was mad, sad, and hurt all at the same time....now it was just a waiting game.....waiting to see if he miraculously recovers...or not!
Friday, August 29th, 2 days after the surgery, the doctors met with my mother-in-law to explain to her that he most likely won't walk again. This pained me greatly. Charlies mom was 81 and she was going to get stuck taking care of him. I still wasn't divorced from him and even thought about going back, but it would be only to take care of him. I thought about how hard that would be for me taking care of a child and a paraplegic. I thought about our wedding vows, "In sickness and in health", I felt like I was bailing on him. But I wasn't bailing on him because he was sick, I had left before he got sick. I was trying to put everything in perspective....I was stuck!
On Saturday, August 30th, the doctors called Charlies mom in again. This time, she took a cousin with her, so that there were 2 sets of ears listening. (She was in a bit of denial, and either not hearing the bad about his condition, or not relaying it). The cousin, Tom, took accurate notes on everything that was discussed. After the meeting, Tom went home and typed it up and e-mailed it to Charlies 2 sisters, and many cousins, nieces and nephews. It must have read really bad to all of them, because the 2 sisters, Elaine who lives in GA, and Glor and her husband Jim, who live in AL, started the drive to NJ. I was not let in on this information because when I filed for divorce, he told his family some things which they held against me. (Not all of his family members, but some of them). The biggest thing being that he was not drinking and that he made a lot of money and I spent it all. I don't know how they could believe that when we were always "borrowing" money from both his family and mine and still had our house foreclosed on....but whatever! But the truth did come out, because while the doctors were operating on his spine, they found that he had end stage cirrhosis and that he needed a liver transplant. Since he did not have a living will authorizing anyone to make decisions for him, he was the only one who could sign for it and he was in a coma. I would talk to my mother in law and get little pieces of information, but not a lot. The hospital staff strongly suggested that K. NOT come to the hospital because Charlie was hooked up to all types on machines and ventilators.
On Sunday,August 31st, Charlies friend Will, who I work for (at home) and who is best friends with Charlies cousin, emailed me the report that Tom had typed up for the family. As soon as I got it, I was on WebMD looking up information on everything on there.....After I did my research, I knew he was going to die. It was just my gut feeling.
Monday, September 1, I cried all day. I just couldn't stop. I certainly couldn't tell K. why I was crying because I am not a doctor, I didn't know for sure...but I knew. I may have talked to my parents about it, but I am not sure. I was beside myself. I remember feeling really angry at him. I was feeling that he cheated his daughter and cheated me. I was pissed that he drank. He was 4 when his dad died and knew what it was like not to have a dad around and he did the same thing(his dad was also an alcoholic, but he died of a heart attack because he didn't take care of his blood pressure). I was mad, sad, and hurt all at the same time....now it was just a waiting game.....waiting to see if he miraculously recovers...or not!
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