Is there really "Happily Ever After?"

Today I went to visit a childhood friend for the day. I have known this woman since we were 9 years old. Through the power of Facebook, I have reconnected with many people from my past. My friend Karen has been married to her husband Jon for 24 years. I have told her this before and told her again today, that I really admire the relationship they have with each other. You can just tell that they truly enjoy being in each others company. Almost every weekend, she posts pictures of the things they did that weekend, whether it was a "Taste of" adventure or a pub crawl, or a weekend away. The point is they are really really happy and with my next relationship (God willing), I hope to have what they have. BUT she said that it has only been in the last 8 or so years that they have gotten to this point in their lives with each other.

On the other hand, I just recently found out that another friend of mine who seemingly had the perfect marriage, caught her husband of 27 years, cheating and they were divorced last year. This came as a shock to me. WHY, after 27 years of marriage would one cheat? I suspect he was cheating all along, but just got caught this time. (he travels alot for business)

Just last week, a kid I know (well, he is 40, but I knew him as a kid, so to me, he is still a kid) stopped to talk to me. I asked him the usual..."what are you up to?" "Are you married?" He told me he was married for 5 years but divorced. They had no children, so he has no contact with his ex-wife. He told me, he just woke up one morning and it was like waking up with a stranger. I can completely relate to this because the man I married was not the same man I filed for divorce from. In my case, Alcohol played the biggest part of Charlies change.

I knew Charlie was an alcoholic when I married him, but he had been sober for at least 4 years and told me he could never drink again. Being a practically a non-drinker myself, I believed that. It was probably 4 years into our 11 year marriage that he started drinking again....started small with some red wine here and there and ended up hiding cheap vodka from me. Apparently he was drinking at least a fifth a day. I can assure you, that drinking that much will change someones personality drastically.

Then I have the friends whose marriages are just there. They aren't really happy, but not really unhappy either. These couples will do things together when it is warranted (holidays, parties, etc) but other than that, they just "co-exist." Also there is alot of complaining about each other. It seems that they have become roomates, more than partners.

I really don't know what the point of this entry is.....maybe my perception of different kinds of marriage??!! I suppose re-entering the single world has me a bit freaked out.....

My First Post

Thank you for taking the time to visit my blog!! Until recently, I have never even read a blog but a friend of mine directed me to his blog and I really enjoyed reading it. I spent 2 or 3 days at 3 hours each time, reading all his posts for the past year and a half. I really like the fact that I can write here and recieve comments from you! So, kudos to CLW to getting me started on my path to blogging!!!

As stated in my profile, I am 47 and a widow, raising an 11 year old child. I am a stay at home mom but have been looking for a job for a while. I am very surprised that I can not find employment, but also not so surprised. Though I am college educated, I have been working from home, doing my own thing for the past 11 years. There are so many other people who have more "up to date" skills who are also unemployed. The jobs I worked on at home were for 3 different companies, all in marketing and all have been cut off by their clients, leaving me cut off from them. There was a time where, if I had all 3 jobs going at once, I could easily put in a 16 hour day. I like working from home because your don't have to get dressed up, or drive anywhere, can take lunch when you want and you can get your laundry done during the work day. It also took me years to discipline myself to actually sit down and get the work done. Once I mastered that, I made a pretty decent (but sporadic) living. Now I got nothing!!! I am also in a position, since I am my daughters only parent, and she is still in elementary school, where I need to work close to home in case something happens......

Speaking of home, I don't have my own! Right now, and since August 2007, I have been living in my childhood home with my parents. When I filed for divorce from my alcoholic husband, we were living in GA. I was finally allowed to move back to NJ (I had to ask my parents if me and the kid could live with them), and they said fine. I think my siblings were all relieved for a couple of reasons....1. I was getting out of a shitty marriage, and 2. My mom was really sick, a dialysis patient, and since my dad still commutes to NYC everyday, my 3 siblings who all live in NJ, but at least 1/2 hour away from my parents, were often called by my mom, during the day, if she fell, or had some other mishap. By me living here, it was a relief for all because I got here to and from dialysis 3 days a week, got her to her doctors appointments, made sure she was eating, and when she felt well enough, I was there to take her to meet with her friends for lunch. Sadly, my mom passed away, at home in December 2008. So now my dad is selling this house and my daughter and I are looking for an apartment to live in. The town I presently live in is too pricey for me, so I am looking for other towns, with decent school systems, in NJ.

I really hate the idea of moving my daughter to a new school system again.....which is why I want to do it this summer.....so she can start school at the beginning of the school year.....who knows, maybe I will win the lottery and can stay in this town??!!