Trust & Relationships

Following another bad relationship recently, I find myself often thinking of Charlie and how good things were between us.....all because there was TRUST. Don't get me wrong, there were some horrible things in our marriage, which is why I filed for divorce, but they all had to do, almost exclusively, with his drinking. Because of his drinking, he was unable to perform at work, and he lost job after job, we were continually "borrowing" money, we often went without decent food (at one point, Charlie and I ate canned baked beans for all meals for 2 weeks straight because they were on sale and I had coupons and they aren't the worse food in the world you can eat). This way, we were able to get K. the Tyson Chicken nuggets, which is something we knew she would eat. The stress of not having enough money to pay for any necessity is a horrible thing to go through and I would not wish it on anyone.

BUT, we had trust in our relationship, and by trust, I mean I did not ever worry about what Charlie was doing when he was not in my presence. It just never occurred to me that he would ever cheat, because I knew he loved me. I may be naive, and he may have cheated, but I seriously doubt it, and that is what I am choosing to believe. We also had open-ness, where we discussed things that needed to be discussed. No matter what it was, good or bad, we talked!!!

I often look at other peoples relationships.....I never did that before, but since I don't have my own going on, I look at others. It is both interesting and informative. I now know exactly what I want in a relationship and what I won't put up with.....at all. Openness is a biggie. I have a girlfriend of mine who was married for the 3rd time this past May. I am not really sure why she married this guy as I would talk to her everyday, and everyday she told me she was sick of his behavior (which is absolutely no communication amongst them) and she was getting ready to move out of his house and move back into her house (which was vacant). THEN, at 11:30 one night, I get a text message with a picture of an engagement ring on her hand!!! I texted her back, "did you get engaged?" and she said yes.....I didn't know what to say....Well, they got married and things are now worse than ever. This couple doesn't talk to one another, their kids (her 10 year old girl & his 13 year old boy) HATE each other, my friend hates his family, which, from the way she describes it, are trashy....and she is not at all comfortable in HIS house (and I say his, because she has never felt like it is THEIR home). Now she is contemplating a third divorce, or sticking it out. Talking amongst them, thus far, has done no good!!! All I can say to her is "Is this how you want to spend the rest of your life?" My friend, is such a good person, and really deserves to be happy.

Now I am wondering if I will ever, ever be comfortable enough with a man to trust him??? I really have not given any "new" man a chance, as I have "dated" two former boyfriends from many years back, but I think I may be scared to try something new. I tried Internet dating...and HATED it, and I am not the type to go out and look for someone....I feel that if I am going to meet someone, I am going to meet someone. All I am hoping for is someone with a good heart, and whom I trust and with whom I can be open with!